You’ve Changed and I Don’t Like It!
Ever look at your spouse and wonder how you ever loved him? He changed so much, you wonder who he is. How did it all get so negative, where did the good stuff go?
Let’s see how perception changes through awareness; click here to watch a 70 second awareness test. Then click back to finish your article.
Notice how your focus caused you to miss the surprising element in the video. The second time around it is so easy to see, so obvious.
When marriage hits tough times, our focus narrows to the bad elements. This focus is so strong that we begin to believe the other person has changed for the worse, that marriage has failed. As perceptions change the sweet wife turns sour; the caring husband insensitive and we entertain thoughts like, “He’s not the right one.”
This happens when we get in a fuss. We focus on the negative characteristics of our mate and miss the fun parts, the good stuff, what we once loved. Like breathing, it is an automatic response from our brain, and the only way to control it is to replace negative thoughts with a new focus.
The more anger we feel toward someone, the more distrust, the more disappointment we experience; the more we perceive the other person as someone bad. Studies have shown that we color once pleasant memories to unpleasant ones. When unhappiness sets in wonderful honeymoons get colored to terrible experiences. A few nights of missed lovemaking become, “She withholds sex!”
The next time you see the bad parts, make an effort to look for the good stuff. Change the field of play through stating forgiveness, kind words, and positive thoughts. During good times keep a running tab of your spouse’s good points and focus on them often. Then when you fuss it will be easier to call up the qualities you love.
Perception change is dangerous to a marriage. If it happens too much your marriage becomes a mirage and you believe the false image.
Remember, focus can change perception. The next time you are focused on anger, remember that what you see is not the whole picture. CoachOurMarriage.