Why The Fuss Reason 3

He can’t wait! Get home, have dinner, spend time with the kids, talk, and later on make love. But she wants to talk about the refinance and look over private school brochures. Disappointment strikes, no love making tonight.

Differing expectations happen easily. We quickly formulate our needs and their answers and place the solution in our expectation out box. She wants to nail down the private school issue and decides tonight will be a good time to do it. He wants intimacy, it’s been a busy week, and tonight will be a good time to do it. They approach the night from different angles on a crash trajectory.

As expectations arise, communicate them as quickly and as far in advance as possible. “Hon, I thought we’d talk over the kid’s school this week, how about Tuesday night?” “We’ll, we haven’t made love in a while, can we spend time together Monday and talk Tuesday?” Now each knows what to expect and when; needs will be met and no one is selfish.

Share expectations often, do so nightly for the next day, or each morning. Often we’ll talk over the week on a Sunday night while getting ready for bed.

When expectations are not met, we take it personally; the same goes for when we feel our expectations will be met. It just makes us feel good.

Why The Fuss Reason 2

Why is decision making so tough? You face a decision, talk it over, and pow, you disagree. “You wanna do what?” The impact of the sudden breach shakes you, emotions flare, and within moments, you argue. Understanding the fuss is tough.

Men think logically, women tend to think emotionally. This is an observation and at times roles can reverse. A man calculates the odds and the economics. A woman will think of what feels best, or how a choice affects other people. He needs a new blue shirt. They shop, he sees it and wants to bag it. “It’s here, we’re here, it’s efficient to buy it now, let’s go.”

She wants to shop around, besides, “It’s the wrong blue.” He’s thinking time management, she’s thinking of how the shirt will look. She doesn’t want people to think her husband can’t dress. He doesn’t care.

She wants to bring a gift when you go to friends for dinner. He says the candle stick is perfect, she says the host might feel slighted. Huh? He’s thinking logically, she’s thinking emotionally.

Discuss reasoning when making a decision to understand your partner’s process. If you disagree give that decision to one or the other. Recognize the decision’s impact on your marriage and decide to let it go if an argument lurks around the corner. A blue shirt is not worth the fuss. Explain your reasoning, try to see your spouse’s point of view, and don’t shoot it down. Somewhere in there is a shirt that works.