How To Listen

Listen with Your Heart

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,

you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me

why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do

something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen.

All I asked was that you listen. Not to talk or do – just hear me.

Advice is cheap.

Ten cents will get you both Dear Abby and Bill Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do that for myself.

I’m not helpless.

Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,

you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

But, when you accept as a single fact that I do feel what I feel,

no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince

you and get to the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.

So, please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk,

wait a minute for your turn; and I’ll listen to you.

CoachOurMarriage