Make Her Your Hero

There are reasons your wife attracted you.

Make her your hero.

Her smile captured you.  Her wit thrilled you.  Her energy mesmerized you. Strong chemistry and a combination of the above reasons with a few more thrown in drew you together to a lifelong commitment, but now that commitment is eroding. To reestablish bonds, make a list of what attracted you to your wife and her strong qualities; then contemplate those reasons.  The key is to focus on her qualities until she becomes your hero.

My wife became my hero when she gave birth to our son. After ten hours of labor the doctors called for an emergency C-section. Exhausted from stress, with full concentration, presence and determination she endured the surgery showing no fear. At that moment she became my hero. That was twenty years ago and she is still my hero today. I often focus on her strengths, no matter how simple or small.

Focus on your list. Spend time thinking about your wife, her strengths, all she does, and let your admiration soar. When marriage struggles the negatives hit us, “she’s always nagging and telling me what to do,” yet the more we focus on those negatives the more we demote our spouse. She needs to be your hero and she needs to know it.  Go for it, don’t be pragmatic. Say she’s the most. This is about romance, about love, about making someone feel she’s the absolute best.

Let her hear how you feel. Tell her what you appreciate about her. It may be as simple as how she matches clothes, or how she focuses on the kids, or her work; but clearly voice what you appreciate. When she becomes your hero, you will know it and so will she. You will adore her and believe me she will return the favor. Imagine how her life will change when you tell her she’s your hero.

Wives. You can easily switch out the pronouns and follow the above to make him your hero, but he won’t be having any babies soon.

The Switches in a Man’s Mind

In a man’s head are a few switches. Here’s how he works when these switches get flipped.It's On or Off

His build switch. When this switch gets flipped he begins to fix; he tears down, moves rubble and builds. This switch flips when he hears a problem. That’s why listening is difficult. You voice a concern just to vent and be heard, the build switch flips and he tries to fix you. It is hard for him to do nothing.

His fight switch. Flip this switch and fur flies. His emotions evaporate and he seeks to destroy. Good if you are attacked in a parking lot, bad if he sees you as the enemy. This is why he can say mean things about you, the kids, the house.  He may regret actions later, but now it’s search and destroy.  A husband needs to manage his warrior switch. A wife needs to avoid it. In some men this switch is too easily flicked and their aggression is too severe, these men are abusive and need help. They should be avoided.

His charm switch. His most beguiling switch connects to his needs.  He needs comfort, encouragement, and love; when those needs arise his charm switch flips and the romantic gentleman appears. His needs fall under the categories of food, comfort, encouragement, and sex. When these go unmet for along time his building switch flips. When that fails his warrior switch flips. When allowed to access his emotions he can funnel them through his charm circuitry and avoid the building and warrior switches, when he can’t, look out.

Men little understand these switches, only that they work. He is either building, fighting, or needing. The more he learns about these switches the better he can control their results. These switches are why men are doers and not talkers. It is why they like sports. Sports combine building – the game plan – and fighting – the game.

Because of these switches men find it hard to understand women. He can learn, but it takes time and teaching, and a little less switch flipping.