Repair Your Marriage Now!

Start Repairing Your Marriage Now!

Think of three things you appreciate about your spouse. Find three qualities and let him know.

Building a marriage is not about how you feel. No one cares about feelings. Building a marriage is about doing what works, feelings do not work. Building a marriage is about what you do and how the other person walks away after the doing. Feelings come into play later, but to repair or build a strong marriage focus on what you do that triggers positive reactions in your spouse.

Appreciation works.

Appreciation is the common need in men and women though each respond differently. Here’s how men respond.

For men appreciation fills their sails. It build them up and makes them want to do more for which they were appreciated. Women can use this as a purposeful tool to move their man in a positive direction. “But I’ll feel like a manipulator,” one woman said to us after this advice. My response? Men like to be manipulated in this way. It is how we are built.

Tell your man, “I really appreciate you helping me this evening,” and watch him move to help you more. It is how men work. When appreciated, tasks seems lighter and work easier; creativity soars and life just feels better. Here is how women respond to appreciation.

For women appreciation creates safety. When appreciated women sense a welcome comfort that they are doing well and it heightens their sense of security. Appreciation puts women at ease and causes them to feel loved and creates a drive to be more nurturing, something men need.

Find three qualities you appreciate and tell your spouse. You can be specific, “I appreciate you taking out the trash,” or general, “I appreciate all you do for us.” They each work but the second carries more clout.

Think of three things you appreciate and go share them. Soon. In a day or two you will see your marriage shift.  Visit.

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Aside

What Happened to My Marriage?!

You’ve Changed and I Don’t Like It!

Help!

Ever look at your spouse and wonder how you ever loved him? He changed so much, you wonder who he is. How did it all get so negative, where did the good stuff go?

Let’s see how perception changes through awareness; click here to watch a 70 second awareness test. Then click back to finish your article.

Notice how your focus caused you to miss the surprising element in the video. The second time around it is so easy to see, so obvious.

When marriage hits tough times, our focus narrows to the bad elements. This focus is so strong that we begin to believe the other person has changed for the worse, that marriage has failed. As perceptions change the sweet wife turns sour; the caring husband insensitive and we entertain thoughts like, “He’s not the right one.”

What Triggers

This happens when we get in a fuss. We focus on the negative characteristics of our mate and miss the fun parts, the good stuff, what we once loved. Like breathing, it is an automatic response from our brain, and the only way to control it is to replace negative thoughts with a new focus.

The more anger we feel toward someone, the more distrust, the more disappointment we experience; the more we perceive the other person as someone bad. Studies have shown that we color once pleasant memories to unpleasant ones. When unhappiness sets in wonderful honeymoons get colored to terrible experiences. A few nights of missed lovemaking become, “She withholds sex!”

Solution

The next time you see the bad parts, make an effort to look for the good stuff. Change the field of play through stating forgiveness, kind words, and positive thoughts. During good times keep a running tab of your spouse’s good points and focus on them often. Then when you fuss it will be easier to call up the qualities you love.

Perception change is dangerous to a marriage. If it happens too much your marriage becomes a mirage and you believe the false image.

Remember, focus can change perception. The next time you are focused on anger, remember that what you see is not the whole picture.  CoachOurMarriage.