Make Her Your Hero

There are reasons your wife attracted you.

Make her your hero.

Her smile captured you.  Her wit thrilled you.  Her energy mesmerized you. Strong chemistry and a combination of the above reasons with a few more thrown in drew you together to a lifelong commitment, but now that commitment is eroding. To reestablish bonds, make a list of what attracted you to your wife and her strong qualities; then contemplate those reasons.  The key is to focus on her qualities until she becomes your hero.

My wife became my hero when she gave birth to our son. After ten hours of labor the doctors called for an emergency C-section. Exhausted from stress, with full concentration, presence and determination she endured the surgery showing no fear. At that moment she became my hero. That was twenty years ago and she is still my hero today. I often focus on her strengths, no matter how simple or small.

Focus on your list. Spend time thinking about your wife, her strengths, all she does, and let your admiration soar. When marriage struggles the negatives hit us, “she’s always nagging and telling me what to do,” yet the more we focus on those negatives the more we demote our spouse. She needs to be your hero and she needs to know it.  Go for it, don’t be pragmatic. Say she’s the most. This is about romance, about love, about making someone feel she’s the absolute best.

Let her hear how you feel. Tell her what you appreciate about her. It may be as simple as how she matches clothes, or how she focuses on the kids, or her work; but clearly voice what you appreciate. When she becomes your hero, you will know it and so will she. You will adore her and believe me she will return the favor. Imagine how her life will change when you tell her she’s your hero.

Wives. You can easily switch out the pronouns and follow the above to make him your hero, but he won’t be having any babies soon.

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Marriage Tip: Trash Talk

Keep from trashing your spouse.

Trash Talk

Trashing your spouse to someone damages your marriage in several ways.

  • What we feed grows.  Trash talk reinforces the negatives in your mind making you feel worse about your spouse and marriage.
  • It alters memories.  Research shows that the more a marriage spirals down, the more we select bad memories.  Eventually, bad memories dominate and reinforce the idea our marriage is doomed.
  • It adds agreement to your thoughts.  Power of agreement is strong and telling someone about your spouse’s bad points causes that person to agree with you.
  • It makes a new enemy for your spouse exposing him/her to more criticism.
  • It sows a destiny. Thoughts become words, words become actions that create destiny.
  • You no longer protect your marriage, you open it to criticism.
  • You reinforce faith that your marriage will crash.
  • Finally, you lose respect in the eyes of others.

Think on positive qualities of your spouse. If you need help it is fine to say, “Our marriage needs work,”  but you need not criticize your spouse. Get help from someone capable.  If you must talk to a friend to vent, be general, but refrain from dissing your spouse. Write us.

Help Us Communicate

Talk to Me

Our communication is in shambles, we hardly talk and when we do we fight. Help us to talk and not argue. Sandra


Dear Sandra,
I hear your pain and know that all who read this feel for you.  Communication is important and affects the whole family.  Here is how we would handle a coaching situation.

1. Set Your Goal.
First, we set a goal of safe communication and a peaceful atmosphere. You should feel that you can share a concern without starting a war. Setting a goal of safe communication changes your mind set and gets you open to solutions.

2. Find the Cause.
We want to find the communication breakdown.  Often an issue like anger wrecks communication and hurts everyone.  Let’s use anger as the breakdown issue.  If anger infests you home, we will chase it out.  Here is how we can handle it.

3. Find The Real Story
The real story behind anger is called drama.  Drama happens when anger lasts too long. We will look for the story held by the angry person.  Dealing with an angry person is tricky, but  “A soft answer turns away wrath.”  We will offer language tips to help avoid the anger.

Once we find the story behind the anger we can talk about the story.   Talking about the story puts you on the recovery road.  Now we can find out how that story relates to your marriage and how to change it.

If you have a question you would like answered, send it in. It will be confidential unless you want your name on it.

Thanks for reading, we hope to hear from you! Jim & Laura Write us

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